Yeah, what IS it?

"What's a Bieber?"

THIS IS, MY LITTLE FRIEND.




 

Udder Fail...

I would just like to point out that every detail in this story is udderly true.



The face of death.

Soo, bet you've already guessed the topic of this story by now...

Yes, it is indeed a Cow Tale.

A few weeks ago my mom's garden was not doing so well, over the years she has learned through books and experience that cow manure is one the best fertilizers that there is for plants. Since we live near a large pasture with some cows in it, she asked if I would go and gather some dried "Fertilizer". Before we go any further, let me explain a little better the cows and their pasture to you. The cows themselves look peaceful enough at first glance, but further examination will tell you otherwise. Apparently mother cows are extremely protective of their young, and bulls are extremely protective of their herd. The pasture, you see, is only accessible by fence jumping on my side...

So, on the day of the event I had waken up early to help my mom in the yard. Upon examining some of the plants my mother determined that some were dying. She then informed me that I was to "Jump the fence and get some of the dried cow patty's, so we can spread it in the garden." When told that I very much wished NOT to jump the fence and  gather cow manure, she assured me that "Those cows are not going to hurt you, now hurry up go over there!" I waited awhile until I felt sure that they were on the other side of their field. And so armed with a plastic bag and a 4 inch shovel that was not intended for that use, I marched over to the fence. Now let me again pause a moment to tell you dear reader of this post, that this fence is practically covered by shrubs, trees, and vines. It would have been far too easy if it were cleared of these obstacles. So, finding a good place that was practically cleared of shrubbery and making sure once more that the cows were far off munching happily on their grass, I gathered my strength and hopped over the fence. Plastic bag and tiny shovel in hand. I then proceeded to try and find some "cow patty's" while my dear mother, conveniently on the other side of the fence, laughed hysterically. I soon became too occupied in my task to realize that the cows had noticed their intruder. As I was not-so-happily searching away the cow army, led by their leader (a large and terrifying bull), was advancing. By the time I looked up they were extremely near. With my bag not having a sufficient enough amount of manure, I was told not to worry about them and to continue in my task. But I couldn't, not with a army of four legged worriers advancing! I picked up my large white bag and began to walk calmly back to the fence (that was when I still had my dignity). When I did this they began to quicken their pace to a terrifying speed (what would a story about cows be without a high-speed chase?). Soon I began to run, the enemy fast approaching, trying to find the gap in the shrubbery through with I had came. Alas, dear reader, I could not find this gap. I threw the tiny shovel and bag on the ground and made a mad leap through the thicket and pulled myself over the fence. Safely on the other side I had not time to access mortal damage when I was reminded that I had left the bag and shovel on the other side. I got down on my hands and knees and reached my hand under the fence (I refused to go back into enemy territory). Slowly I pulled the bag and tiny shovel through the little hole. I had achieved my mission! In the end I had only a few scrapes and scratches and a bag of cow poop to show for my brave heroism, but I shall forever more remember that day as the day I laughed in the face of certain death!

Ps.

What do you call a cow with a missing leg?

Lean Beef!    

THIS JUST IN!!!

ENERGIZER BUNNY WAS ARRESTED LATE YESTERDAY EVENING: CHARGED WITH BATTERY.

BUNNY'S EVERYWHERE ARE ASHAMED.

10 fun things to do with people over 90!

1. Give them a mohawk (provided there's any hair left).
2. Make a music video.
3. Get gold dentures
4. Teach them how to play Angry Birds.
5. Get matching tattoos.
6. Take a kickboxing class together.
7. Ride through Wal-Mart on those little scooter things yelling "the British  are coming, the British are coming!"
8. Knit T-shirts with your faces on them.
9. Fill up water balloons and drop them on people from a third story building.
10. Teach them how to 'dougie'.

Change: a funny thing

I can remember when I was little, like 3 or 4, telling my mom and one of her friends that I wanted a merry-go-round with only one horse on it.

When I was asked "Why?" I simply replied "so that I can always win the race!" This was followed by some hysterical laughing, provided by my mom and her friend. You see, back then the merry-go-round was one of my favorite things (It still is, but lets just keep that between you and me). I can remember watching the horses in front of me so closely and urging my worthy steed on to faster speeds. Sometimes I was carried to victory, sometimes the blue-tailed horse with the fat kid riding him won. Either way I always Knew that one day I would win every single race because when I grew up I would have my absolutely very own merry-go-round! obviously things change and I grew up to want real horses instead, I've been riding since I was 5 and got my first pony for my 7th birthday (his name was Scooby aka the "pony From hell") I've moved on to big horses now and ride every day. But I was just thinking, as I always tend to do, that what if I had never out grown the merry-go-round and never started riding horses that actually breathe? What if I still went to the mall every week and elbowed all the 5 year olds out of the way to be the one to get to mr. Sprinkles first? What if I had become an imaginary world class merry-go-round jockey? Man, my life would be so different right now. 
I know that sometimes change is unwanted, but for the most part it's necessary.
I mean, would You want to be a professional merry-go-round Jockey? 

What do YOU think?

So, I've been pondering this for quite some time now and I was wondering if you could answer my question:
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too???

...THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW!!!!!!

First Post!!!

S0, For my first post I will do no more than simply introduce myself. I am "Diamond in the Ruff" and I've been a blogger for a little over a year, I have another blog completely dedicated to one of my greatest passions in life- horses. I love the blog and I love my horses, it's just that I thought it time that I should start a blog that lets a little more of myself shine through! This blog should contain random little thoughts that pop into my head, the occasional story about my crazy life, and mild hilarity.
Thanks for reading, hope your like the blog, don't forget to comment!!!!!!!!!